Remember that song by the Gin Blossoms? Yeah, they might have found a way to turn jealousy into something beneficial for them by making money on it, but for those of us that have been around uncontrollably jealous people, it's not pleasant. I had the honor of having a conversation with the sister of a very special young lady in my life who suggested that I share the thoughts from it with you. I think it's a great idea, so here we go!
In the interest of keeping everyone happy, I took the names out.
One thing to note as you read is that in Galatians 5:16 - 26, Paul lists specific signs that we are living in the flesh and includes jealousy. Note the contrast to the fruits of the Spirit that he tells us about after that.
Your sister and I were talking through your questions about jealousy last night, and while I'm sure she has responded to you, I thought I would follow up as well.
For starters, being jealous can have several possible meanings in this scenario - 1) a suspicion of faithfulness in the relationship, 2) fiercely protecting an object (or in this case, person), or 3) the fear of losing the relationship (which really isn't jealousy, but we'll get there soon enough).
Obviously, the first thing to consider is what is at at the source of those feelings, but there are significant flaws no matter which form he is feeling right now. In the case of suspicion, he doesn't trust you, which is never a good foundation for a relationship. If he's looking at you as an object that he must protect, well, there is the issue that he sees you as an object and not an intelligent, rational individual who, oh by the way, happens to be a daughter of the One True God and is under His protection. If it's a fear of losing the relationship, his hope is misplaced and the relationship itself becomes his idol or god. It places you in an impossible situation where you are on such a high pedestal of expectations, that you will either crumble under the weight of them or he will be in a constant state of disappointment.
Okay, I feel like I'm doing a lot of guy bashing, and while we guys deserve it, there's always hope for redemption. In any of these situations, they come apart because of disappointment, and disappointment always comes from misplaced hope. Whether his hope is in the relationship, the way you make him feel, or in his ability to make it all work from sheer will power, it's not where it needs to be. From talking with your sister, I am certain you know this already, but his hope needs to be placed in Christ.
One thing that we talk about a lot is how difficult it is for people that have not been humbled to the point that they have no choice but to trust God for the next day, step, or even breath to know what it means to be at the end of yourself. That's where God does His best work because we have nothing left to fight against Him with. Then we realize that He'll catch us no matter what ridiculous decisions got us to that place. It's a challenge for folks that do get it, because it's impossible for us to articulate in words how that experience can make the change.
I would encourage you to remember that it's not your job to change him, it's God's. When a person changes to meet the expectations of the guy/gal they want to be with, it builds resentment, but when God changes a heart, if builds gratitude. I would also encourage you to pray specifically for him if you're not already (but I'd bet that you are). Be straight with God and don't worry about sounding eloquent. Some of the most beneficial time in prayer that I've spent are times that I've admitted to God that I don't like what He's doing, but that I still trust Him and will praise Him regardless of the circumstance.
One of the things that your sister and I have done pretty much since our first date is to start our day with prayer. I text her a short prayer for us before I even say good morning. It just gets us focused where we need to be for the day. We also pray when we're together, even if it's just a real short "Thank You for having a couple of hours to spend together." I know that it's not easy to set the expectation that prayer is just simply part of what your relationship is going to include, but I know that for both your sister and I, knowing that relationship is being intentionally focused on Christ calms a lot of fears for both of us.
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