It's War!

I don't typically use this blog as a rant, but today, I think we have a teachable moment that will benefit us and give us pause for those of us that are parents. The story goes something like this:

David hits Manny. Manny can't hit David back because of the people that are watching him. So Manny goes and says bad things about David to anyone that will listen and by his language, insinuates that he would like to kill David. 

Sounds like any typical 5 years olds that you know? 

Try adults. Grown men that happen to be professional baseball players. David Price is the ace pitcher for the Tampa Bay Rays and Manny Ortiz is the big hitter for the Boston Red Sox. Okay, I get it, a 94 mph fastball hurts when it hits you. Still, Manny has declared that "it's war" between the two of them now. Really, Manny? War? You're seriously going to tell me that because you got a bruise to your body and your ego that you now consider him as an enemy to the point that it would be your goal to kill the man?

David, Manny, you two are allegedly grown ups. Grown ups that get paid millions of dollars to play a game. A game, Manny, not a war. My first issue with your analogy is that it is completely disrespectful to our men and women actually serving. When they get hit, it leaves more than just a bruise, and they might not get to play the next day or even walk again. I have other issues as well. While you're getting paid to play that game, there's a kid about my son's age in the stands with his dad who doesn't get paid millions of dollars that saved for a month to bring his kid out to watch your temper tantrum. That might actually be my son and I. So thanks for being such a great role model in showing my son what is truly important in life. I'll be sure to talk to him about it even though he'll be disappointed in you when he realizes you were wrong. 

I'm not saying that you need to toss the ball back to him and turn to the other side so he can hit that one as well, but a little bit of maturity goes a long way. Yes, the media is going to eat up your comments, but we could be talking about you WAY beyond that if your response was more measured. What if you'd picked up the ball, smiled, walked slowly out to the mound to hand David the ball, and patted him on the back before returning to the plate and walking to first? Dude, come on! We'd be talking about you every time someone got mad when they were hit by a pitch! 

Look, no matter what we do in life, we have come to expect and even tolerate poor reactions when things don't go our way. But stop for a moment and take a look at the people around you and in your lives. I'd be willing to bet that the ones you gravitate towards are the ones that respond with love in their disappointment. They're approachable in difficult times and help find real and good solutions to move forward. 

There is so much really good stuff in I Corinthians 13, but allow me to focus on verse 11 - "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways."

Hey Manny, David, I still believe that you can change. The mistake doesn't define who we are, but we will be remembered by the way we move forward. Society has taught us to remain children though. You're going to have to break through that if you want to show that you're the adult here. An apology goes a long way, but owning up to your part of the wrong and unsolicited forgiveness will go even farther!

All I Know is that I Don't Know

John 9:25b - "One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see."

For the outsider, man, God is a confusing being. There are plenty of ways that they question the love, faithfulness, or even possibility of Him. How can God let bad things happen to good people? How can God allow natural disasters to happen? How can God be three completely separate beings yet one whole? How can God have always been there? Science is actively trying to find the "God particle". Terrible things happen all over the world at the hands of wicked people. It can be really frustrating to wrap your head around the idea that God is good, yet all of these things happen.

In John 9, Jesus healed a man that had been blind. The Pharisees (my old colleagues) questioned him first, then his parents, who deferred back to their son, who was of age to answer for himself. See, the Pharisees were divided - they couldn't figure out how a sinner could perform a miracle, but clearly He wasn't of God since He did the work on the Sabbath. In a stroke of shear honesty, the man simply says (paraphrased), "I don't know what He is, all I know is that earlier today I was blind, but now I can see."

I don't have answers to those hard questions for you. While theologians can answer some, it is impossible for us to fully know an infinite God this side of heaven. All I can do is point to the evidence in my own life as an example. There are things that were meant for evil that were turned into good. There are choices that I made in faith with no ability in and of myself to make it work out. There are simply points in my life that there is no other explanation for other than there is a loving God who is actively working in my life, and I have seen it in other people's lives as well.

While I do not know what it is like to be totally blind physically, I am very aware of what it is to be spiritually blind. I didn't even know I was blind until Christ opened my eyes. It's frustrating for people that have had this eye opening experience to not be able to say in words what can help you see what we can. It's the experience of Christ doing that work that makes the change. All I can do is point to my life as an example of the amazing work of Christ in the hopes that you will believe it can happen and that real change is possible. Our God has a perspective infinitely larger than any of us could possibly imagine. So what if we just start with the assumption that God really is love, and pray together that He opens our eyes to see the world through His eyes?

I'll end with this paraphrase from C.S. Lewis - "I believe in [Christ] as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but by it I see everything else."

Yes, friends, when God opens your eyes it is so significant that it is like you are seeing for the very first time, and your world will never be the same!

Bragging Rights

2 Corinthians 10:17 - Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.

2 Corinthians 12:9 - But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest on me.

Bragging - it gets a negative spin, but it's fun! It brings attention and affirmation to ourselves. You just ran your fastest 5k (or your first 5k!), you got a promotion, you're in a relationship with someone you're crazy about, you're part of a new church plant, you're.... you get the idea. We like the boost to our egos when we are affirmed and people "like" our bragging in the form of a status update on Facebook.

Why is boasting so wrong? For starters, it brings attention to us, but if we look at ourselves objectively, there's a much different picture than what we're painting. God gave you the strength and endurance for that personal best, He put the pieces in place for your promotion, He orchestrated the meeting between you and her, it's His church and not yours. Got it? Every good thing comes from God in His grace and mercy. On our own, we're nothing. We're just sinners floundering in a sea of consequences directly tied to our actions. Secondly, your boasting is cause for someone else to become jealous of what you have. Why cause your brother to stumble?

What Paul is trying to get us to see is that the good stuff isn't because of something we did, it's because of what God did. If you're going to brag about it, boast about the way that God's hand was in every part of the process and tell people you had nothing to do with it - because you really didn't! When you boast in Christ and your brother wants what you have, he can have it! As a bonus, you can help him get it. Paul actually tells us to boast in our weakness and I would add failure to that as well. When we talk about ourselves humbly in the reality of our situation, we act as trophies and testimonies to the goodness of our God since we show off that all good things we have are by His hand.

See, like just now, I took a sip of my smoothie and dripped it right down my shirt. Awesome. But that's what I'm good at; making messes. God cleans us up through the redeeming work of Christ. Notice there's no mention of anything I did to earn that. Christ did not say "No one comes to the Father except through me, but I made a couple of exceptions for a few people because they work hard."

Try this for a week - when you're on Facebook and you really want to post something about you, write it in a way that shows off God's goodness. If you can't figure out how to write it, then brag about someone else and boost their ego instead of yours. When you make your life the "Look What Jesus is Doing" show, people will want what you have, and that is worth boasting about!

Controlled by Christ

2 Corinthians 5:14-15 - "For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised."

You know, we really had it pretty good before The Fall. Adam and Eve got to walk in the garden with God each day and experience His love in a very tangible way. Of course we all know the story, sin entered the world and separated us from God. No longer do we have the advantage of that very real, physical relationship with our Creator. That doesn't mean that He no longer loves us, and it doesn't mean that He won't find ways to still do that tangibly.

Consider 2 Corinthians 5:14-15. If Christ lives in us and we now live for Him, does that not make us tools available for His use? Certainly He can use us to show His love to others! Sometimes though, our vision of Christ's love is limited. We only have one word for love, but the Greeks had 3: agape (unconditional), phila (brotherly), and eros (romantic). Keep in mind that God is in His very essence, love, and He's the inventor of it. If the Greeks could identify three separate forms, then certainly God's love for us is made up of all of those.

Take agape, the unconditional love of a parent in God the Father. A good parent is willing to do anything to protect their child, including taking the pain on themselves to spare the child. Sound familiar, like God providing a way to take our place? Then there's phila, the brotherly love of our Savior and brother. In that role, it is more of a sense of accountability, counsel, and friendship, marked with the a willingness to back us up no matter what. Finally, there's eros, the love of a romance. This seems to be the easiest to forget and toughest to wrap our minds around. Even so, we're referred to as the bride of Christ, and that is clearly a reference to a romantic form of love. Think of the imagery of a bride and groom becoming one flesh, then consider the way the Spirit lives in you as a part of who you are.

When I considered each of these I thought of the agape love of my mother, the phila love of my brothers and sisters (both biological and those that adopted me), and even the eros love of a special young lady. No matter who they are, they each offer a glimpse of the love of Christ in their own way. We're all broken, so none of them can offer the complete package, nor are any of them perfect in their own role (not that they don't try!), but they do offer insight. I find it encouraging that God uses people in our lives to offer us these hints of what He is about by extending His love through Christ in us. While each of these are satisfying in their own way, the full love of our Father will be so much greater when we can experience it in all its perfection!

Battle for a Soul

"Indeed, the safest road to Hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts..."

- C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

It's easy to take over someone's soul. You simply make sure the path they walk is easy and fun. You make sure that they are focused on themselves. Feed them what they want to hear and before long, they believe it enough that they will no longer need me to guide their path to eternal damnation. The problem comes in when something sudden happens that makes them ask questions. It wakes them from the drunkenness of themselves and it's most serious form, allows them to realize that it is not about them.

I saw the daylight flickering in his eyes. He was waking up and recognized me as his enemy instead of his friend. I wasn't out of options though... not by any means. The realization of what I'd led him to do was the fuel, all I had to do was ignite it with a steady stream of guilt and shame. When a person wakes up, there is the possibility that you can lull them back to sleep. Not so with this one. The speed in which the Enemy was closing in on him was startling, and I knew my best chance was to end his life. So I reminded him of the gun cabinet and how easy it be. Over in less than a second and he would never have to bear the weight of consequence. Though he held the barrel beneath his chin, I was unable to get him to pull the trigger.

Unable to speak to anyone, he cut himself off from everyone but his mother and brother who convinced him to come stay with them. I should have had many opportunities to finish him off, but my Enemy had arrived and held me back. He (the man) was in a trance - he could not hear either of us nor respond. He simply went through a series of automatic motions and my Enemy guided him to his family. He tried to explain what happened and in doing so, opened his mind back up. I took my chance and invaded it. I tortured him to the point of causing physical pain and exhaustion. He could only stay awake for a few hours each day because of the toll it took on him. When he would sleep (and it would be as much as 16 hours every day), I planted nightmares and forced him to relive the Temptation and how he succumbed to it. He would wake up panicked and sweating, face streaked with tears from the terror that it was real all over again.

This was a very effective tactic and I had him where I needed him. It should have been natural to turn him to addiction or even back to self-righteousness, but he was around followers of the Enemy. Not the ones you find in church on Sunday, staring down judgement on sinners, but ones that had a real and lasting relationship with the Enemy. The Enemy was not winning the Battle for his Soul in his heart and mind, so he used others to get in where I had blocked. He recognized that I was inside him and even referred to me in his writings, but my grip was strong. He began to pray to the Enemy and his Father that he would be released from me. This was the turning point of the Battle. He had not experienced the presence and beauty of the Enemy to that point, yet he put his hope that the Enemy was real and would respond to the promises written in the Book. It is curious to watch a man have faith and hope where he has no real belief. In most circumstances, it would result in nothing but disappointment. Yet at that moment, the Enemy was given permission to enter and though he could not pray effectively for himself, the Enemy Himself interceded on his behalf.

All I could do was redouble my grasp and hope to take him with me. To remove me means to remove one's selfish ambition with it. It can be enough to kill or drive a man insane. Those that survive the ordeal become formidable enemies themselves, but it was my only chance. As the Enemy ripped me from his soul (you cannot take me gently, for then I can hold on), the raw, open flesh of his soul was revealed and he felt pain like never before. The magnitude of his sin hit him like a person staring into the sun with dilated eyes. He could not bear it. But now that I was out, the Enemy showed his gentle, kind, and loving nature. He stood between us, arms folded. Though he spoke quietly, it resounded like thunder: "This one belongs to me. He is under my protection and you will no longer control him." He cried tears that said what no words ever could. He could not fathom that the Enemy would claim him as His own knowing that he had committed crimes against the very One now standing there. Yet, there He stood and there was no longer anything I could do about it. .

It is easy to think that the Battle would end there, but I am a crafty one and being held to no moral standard has its advantages. You see, he had children and they had not yet been claimed by the Enemy. So I attacked them, causing fear and confusion. I whispered that their father did not love them and that it was their fault he was gone. They believed me but when word of this reached him, he confidently called on the Enemy through his tears of anger and fear. The Enemy gave him strength and comfort,removed me once more, and set His angels at the doors and windows so that I might not enter that home again. I attacked him again and again through the process of divorce and had an excellent agent working with his former wife. Yet  he recognized his weakness and ran back to the Enemy who comforted him, reminded him of the cost that was paid for him, that he was loved, and that He would protect him to the end.

I had failed. Though I tore apart his family and his life, he entered into communion with the Enemy. I still test his defenses frequently, but  his confidence in the Enemy's faithfulness grows with each attempt. He now shares the Enemy's victory over sin and death and over me with greater and greater fervor. I fear he may now reach others that I have my grip on and will make more like himself. My job is much easier when being Christian means that you go to church, follow the rules, and sit on the sidelines like good boys and girls. It is easy when they let those on my path define what it means to be a Christian. There are too many that now see truth through the eyes of the Enemy and who study His Book. My hope is that by using the religious and non-religious alike, that I can make their condition seem undesirable and at least contain the spread.

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Romans 8:26 - "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."

Romans 10:13 "For everyone that calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."

Living the Lies

It began with a single lie, but it was an attractive lie... You will be like God. Eve ate of the fruit and gave it to her husband, Adam, and we've been believing lies ever since.

I Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overcome us except that which is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

He acknowledged that he was a sinner. Everyone was. He wasn't that bad though. He was pretty good, in fact. He was in church on Sundays, one of the best at his job, kept his children in line, and kept himself in shape. That's what he portrayed anyway, and most of the time, it's also what he made himself believe. His reality was a bit different though. His marriage was toxic, his job and sport were where he defined himself, and his kids were just another responsibility to manage along with his spouse and the other people around him. The issue was much deeper though, an issue of selfishness that bordered on narcissism. That made it very easy for me to plant the first lie - You deserve better - all it took was a whisper from me to make it take hold. In his pride, he was convinced that there was no fault in him, surely the problem was his wife.

Convinced he deserved better, but unwilling to risk his sterling reputation with a divorce, he settled in to just endure until... well, he really wasn't sure what he was waiting for and that was just fine with me. When I offered The Temptation, he simply suppressed it. He didn't think he could talk to anyone about it because you're just not supposed to have those feelings, especially if you're a good Christian like he was. You're right you know, no one is supposed to feel that. You'll be rejected if you try to get help. Oh, it was so easy to manipulate his fear.

I knew The Temptation had caught his eye though. He couldn't let it go completely. He tried to suppress it, but he never really committed to fighting against it. Once, he told me that it was wrong, but his hesitancy was obvious. He wanted to believe that it was okay. So I agreed with him. Yes, it's wrong, but it can be good. You can make it good. And it's SO much better than waiting on God to do something... if he's even going to do anything! It was cake walk. Just lead him to the conclusion he wants or wishes. Don't forget to isolate him though. If he has anyone hitting him the truth too often, it can derail everything. His shame of what he was feeling took care of that. Anyone that got close enough, he cut off without any help from me. What a useful tool guilt and shame are!

When he gave in to The Temptation, I made sure that he enjoyed it. He began to believe that the fantasy could be his reality. He tried to live two lives at first, but eventually, he could only operate as the shell of his former self as his mind and heart became obsessed with The Temptation. When someone would try to intervene, I'd just hit him with - You're untouchable. You're in control. No one can outsmart you and find out. You know how he'd respond? He'd actually lie to the people closest to him. Some of his justifying started sounding hokey even to me, but he was convinced they believed him! I love self-righteous people. A little ego-boosting is all they need.

Unfortunately, he had a friend, or brother would be a better term, that would not leave him alone. It took significant time, but this man managed to get him to glimpse reality again, ever so briefly. It scared him. He knew he was in way over his head and that he wasn't in control like he thought. He wanted out. I had to be more aggressive with what I told him next. You have done something too great to be forgiven. You will lose everything if you stop now; your job, your family, your way of life. You will be rejected by everyone everywhere if they find out, and if you stop what you're doing, someone will talk! It was too close for my comfort, but it was enough for him to slip back into the fantasy rather than deal with the reality. As long as I could make him believe his fantasy was, or could be, reality, he was mine.

As if I had enough trouble keeping where I wanted him, that man refused to let me have him. He made a choice that even left me in awe. He did for his friend and brother what he could not do for himself - he made the call that would surely undo everything in his life. He would have no choice but to face reality and decide what he could do and would do. I was speechless. Now I really had my hands full. I had the upper hand, but the Battle for his Soul was beginning...

This Mysterious Thing Called Prayer

Ephesians 6:18a - "And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests."
Matthew 18:3 - "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven."

Prayer. It's a struggle at times. I get intimidated by people who can speak such eloquent prayers that it sounds like poetry. Sometimes when I pray, I catch myself trying to find the right words, spoken with the right mindset, with my heart in the right place, standing (or was I supposed to be kneeling?) in the right position, pointed in exactly the right position, and thinking that if I can just get it right, surely God will grant my request. That's the point where I feel pretty stupid about my prayer life. No matter how passionate my request, I've just tried to turn God into my own personal genie to grant my wishes.

I'm fairly convinced that aside from adoration, confession, and thanksgiving, all I should be praying for is that He would change my heart to be the man He needs me to be, period. In Ephesians, though, Paul encourages us to pray about anything and everything. In Matthew, we're reminded to come like little children. If you've been around little kids, you know they will ask for anything and everything. Frequently. Over and over again. No matter how many times you say "no". If it's on their heart, it's in their request to you. You see a commercial for Disney World and the kids immediately ask if the family can go. There's no thought of whether or not it's reasonable or how much it will cost.

This is how we approach our Father. He's our Dad. He wants us to tell Him what's on our hearts. Anything, no matter what it is. He wants to hear that you're lonely and want a romantic partner. He wants to know that your spouse is driving you mad. He wants to know that you'd really like to have a boat... that boat right there. Think about the role of a parent. Do you chastise your child for desiring something? No, but you don't give them everything they want, either. You know the things that are beneficial to them and you have the opportunity to use requests as teachable moments about finances, responsibility, and just life in general. Your prayer opens communication with Dad and He has the chance to bless you, comfort you, and teach you. Even when the answer is no, He's still using it for your benefit.

If you could bug my house, you'd hear me talking to Dad all the time when I'm alone. I'm either singing or having a conversation out loud. Hearing myself first of all validates that what I am feeling is real, even if something "I'm not supposed to feel". From there, God can work on my heart. It also reminds me of scripture that I can then look up, read in context, and meditate on. Sometimes, just hearing the words out loud allows me to hear the ridiculousness in my request, the insincerity in my voice, or inspire tears from the passion of whatever it is I am bringing to my Father.

I used to think that I didn't need to pray because He knows everything anyway. That may be true, but He doesn't need you to pray to be who He is. He's not going to somehow no longer exist just because you don't pray. Prayer is about you and your relationship with Him. Your heart gets changed and your relationship grows deeper when you open up to Dad. Prayer is a willful act though - either you willfully allow Him in to change you and love you or you willfully shut Him out in an effort to do life the way you see fit. Personally, I'll allow God, who is in His very essence love, access to my heart rather than allowing the destructive nature of sin to dictate my life again.

So try it. Right now. Tell Him whatever's on your heart. Even if you're mad at Him or think He's unfair, tell Him about it and be prepared to experience the love of your Dad.

Worth Waiting For?

Psalm 37: 4-5 "Delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act."

There are about 6 different applications I can think of here, but once again, I'm talking mainly to singles...

As a group of single guys, we were recently chatting about one of our favorite topics (that would be you, ladies) and one of the guys got that glazed over look on his face as he was describing "her". Yep, that young woman that he was completely focused on and while she was single, she was not reciprocating his feelings. Still, like most of us, he had placed her on a pedestal so high and convinced himself that she was worth waiting for. We've all been there. Heck, some of us are there now! There's a couple of problems with this mindset though.

First, placing another human being on a pedestal like that sets them up as an idol in your mind. When they disappoint you or you finally get tired of waiting on him/her, it's easy to become depressed and bitter from the disappointment. Even if it works out, you've made them a god by your worship. You've got to remember that they are just as human and broken as you are. That time you spend waiting for them to see the relationship the way you do would be much better spent developing a friendship and getting to know them on a much deeper level in an environment where you can both be yourselves. Allow yourself to be be known and to get to know the real him/her.

The other issue I have is that one of you is waiting for the other one. In many ways, you're placing your life in neutral while the other person is still developing to whatever it is he or she is becoming. News flash - you don't control their development. Like the first scenario, you have placed your focus and hope on that relationship and you will be disappointed. What's worse, is you have neglected the development of your own relationship with Christ in the process.

Look, I know she's a phenomenal lady and he's an awesome guy, especially if they belong to Christ. There is a reason your paths crossed, no doubt. God is trying to teach you something or develop your character through the experience. That doesn't guarantee that those paths coincide with each other in your pursuit of Christ from that point forward though. Time will tell, but to stop your pursuit of Christ in order to pursue the object of your affection only shows your ability to give in to the temptations of a human idol.

Take some encouragement from this though: if not her or him, then it is someone even better. We are all in a constant state of preparation for different aspects of our lives, but our Lord who is preparing us has an infinitely greater perspective than we do. I promise you there is no more beautiful a lady than one who loves Christ with all her heart and there is no more amazing a guy than one who pursues Him ahead of any woman. When you have a genuine relationship with Christ, it oozes out of every aspect of your life and people, especially the opposite sex, really want to be around people like that. Remember, He promised to give us the desires of our heart when our heart is finding delight in Him.

One last thing - I love the back half of that verse. Commit your ways to the Lord, trust in Him, and He will act. It doesn't say He'll listen a little closer or put you in the fast pass prayer lane. No, it says He will act. You've got some good reasons to give this up to Him. The only question that remains is if you think you've still got this love thing figured out better than the One who invented it!

She's All That... and More

I don't really remember the details of the first time I met her. I'm pretty sure it was after a soccer match and she had told me "nice game" as I passed her in the hallway. I muttered a "thanks", but I didn't really want to be seen talking to her. After all, I was the star player, likely MVP, and probably playing college ball somewhere if I didn't get injured. She was a tiny little thing; bespectacled and dressed in clothes that definitely weren't in style and hid the figure she probably didn't have. Still, she always said something nice to me when I saw her. I almost felt bad for her, it was like she had a crush on me or something, but she really wasn't my type. Honestly, I didn't think I'd hear the end of it from my friends if I actually got caught talking to her.

Then came "The Game". Yeah, we were poised to move into the state championship match and full of confidence as we were up against a team we'd beaten soundly earlier in the year. Not only did we lose, but I put the ball in my own net as time was set to expire, giving our opponents the victory instead of going to overtime. Overnight, people crossed to the other side of the hallway, my girlfriend broke up with me, and I was suddenly a nobody. Even my teammates avoided me. Yet, when I passed her in the hallway, she tried to encourage me by reminding me that it wasn't my fault. It didn't really help, but I kind of appreciated that she tried.

As my former friends began to isolate me more and more, I found that I actually looked forward to seeing her. People started making fun of me, but I'd make a point to smile at her, knowing she'd always say something nice when she saw me. When prom approached, not only was Prom King out of the question for me, I couldn't even find a date. I'd asked a lot of girls and gotten a few dirty looks and a whole lot of laughs. I was sitting behind the stands at the soccer field feeling completely useless when she appeared. I didn't even think she knew there was a field much less how to get to it, but there she was. I looked around to make sure no one else could see us before finally greeting her.

She gently took my hand in hers and said something I'll never forget. "I know you're hurting, but I want you to know that I still think you're fantastic." Then she let it go and started to leave. I called out for her to wait and ran over to her. The words were out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying - "How would you like to go to prom with me?" Her face lit up, and suddenly, there was a beauty in her eyes that I had never noticed before. "Of course! I'd love to go with you!" I think she might have even giggled a little bit.

As the day approached, I began to get nervous. The harassment I'd been subjected to so far would be nothing compared to me walking into to prom with her. I thought about faking sick to get out of going, but I couldn't make myself do it. I finally told myself to suck it up and do it. She deserved that much for being so nice to me after everyone else turned. So I rented a tux. I went for the cheapest one I could find. After all, this wasn't going anywhere and I didn't really want to get her hopes up by going all out.

I went to the address that she gave me to pick her up. I didn't really know what to expect... a trailer maybe? You can imagine my surprise when I had to be screened by a security guard before the gates opened and allowed me into the driveway of her parents' mansion. Mansion might not be a good enough description. Estate? Manor? Chateau? They all seem too tame for her home. Now I was thoroughly sweating. What would her parents think of me? They'd surely see right through my lack of effort for their daughter.

The butler answered the door before I could even knock on it, took my jacket, and escorted me in. I cursed in my mind - I hadn't even remembered to get a corsage. Her parents greeted me warmly and seemed so genuine. I tried to think of how I was supposed to apologize or how I could somehow make up for my indifference to their daughter, but the sincerity of their warmness to me was more than I could handle. I finally tried to explain that I shouldn't be there, that their daughter was better than I deserved, and that I should leave - I just wanted to get out of there. I started to tell them about my ex-girlfriends and what I was really like, but her Father forestalled me.

"We know everything there is to know about you. Don't ask how, but we have sources that you can not possibly imagine," her Father told me. "Then clearly you understand that I should not be out with your daughter, particularly on prom night," I protested. Her Father put his hands up, "Nonsense. She chose you and that is all there is to it. Your past is of no concern to us now that she is set on you." I think I was in the middle of a thought when she started making her way down the stairs...

Oh. My. Word.

She didn't just look good for her, she was beautiful. Beautiful in ways that words can't describe. So beautiful that a tear trickled down my eye just looking at her. No glasses, no baggy clothes. She was slender and toned. Her dress fit her form perfectly. She moved with all the grace of a professional dancer. Her smile was infectious. Her eyes were locked on mine and I couldn't look away if I'd wanted to. Suddenly the thought of saying she was too good for me wasn't just an excuse to leave, it was the truth. There was no way that such a beautiful lady should be with an arrogant scum like myself. She deserved something so much better.

She kissed her father on the cheek and hugged her mother. Her parents wished us a good evening and I wasn't sure if I could even stop shaking enough to open the door for her. The evening was perfect. I have no idea what the others thought. I couldn't even tell you who else was there that night. For me, she was the only other person in the room and I wasn't about to take my eyes away from hers.

I really didn't know what to do when I walked her back to her porch to say good night. Should I hold her hand? Can I hug her? Kiss her on the hand? The cheek? What do I even say? She took care of all of that. Even though her parents were looking through the window from the kitchen, she took my hands in hers, kissed me on the cheek, and thanked me for a wonderful evening. I couldn't take it anymore. "I didn't go all in for you though," I explained, "I could have done so much more, but you were the amazing one. You're more beautiful than I ever could have imagined and you've treated me so much better than I deserve. I should be thanking you."

She smiled and told me she'd see me at school on Monday. As she went inside, I waved and said goodnight to her and her parents. I'd made myself a promise that if this wasn't a dream, I'd ask her out on Monday as soon as I saw her. I tried my hardest to stay awake, reliving every moment of the night. I was afraid that if I went to sleep, I'd wake up to find it had all been a dream... a wonderful dream, but just a dream.

Monday, no one really said much to me. Well, maybe they did, I don't really know. I was focused on this tiny little bespectacled young lady wearing clothes that were definitely not in style. When I finally saw her at the end of the hall, I sort of broke into a run and tripped over someone's backpack. As laughter fell all around me, a gentle hand reached out to mine and I saw the kindness and beauty in her eyes again. Even though the others saw the same girl that had been in the hallway last week, I had seen her true beauty and there was no way a pair of glasses and baggy clothes could make me forget.

Before I could even say "thanks", it was like she had read all the insecurities in my mind. "I know you haven't always noticed me, but I've noticed you. I've been at all of your games and practices, even if you weren't looking to see if I was there. I know I'm different from all your other girlfriends. I know that other people make fun of you for talking to me. I know you only asked me to prom as a reaction and didn't really want to go at first. I know that it was only after you saw my house and how I looked all dressed up that you were really attracted to me. It's okay. Even if you hadn't asked me to prom or were trying to figure out how to ask me out now, I'd still be there in the shadows, whispering encouragement to you on the way by, and hoping you would notice me."

My jaw dropped and for the second time, tears filled my eyes, this time out of guilt. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Was I really that transparent?

"The answer is yes, by the way," she said. Before I could even process what she was referring to, she clarified, "Yes, I want to go out with you and I want to be around your friends and family." I shook my head in disbelief of what I was hearing. It was more than I could have possibly hoped for, yet there she was, speaking every word of it. "Oh, and Dad, yeah, you can call Him Dad, says that our home is yours as well and that He expects you over for family dinner." Most people might have been a bit freaked out by that, but I actually found it comforting. It was like I was being adopted and even though I had been an arrogant, self-centered jerk that had never once treated a girl the way she deserved, it was the simple choice of the lady before me that had made me accepted by her Father.

That's when the most terrifying and wonderful thing happened. She looked at me with a tear threatening to fall from her eye and said, "I know that hearing me say "I love you" will never be enough, and there will come a day when you take me for granted. I will still extend my love to you. There will be a day when you will turn away from me, but I will still extend my love for you. There will come a time when someone looks more attractive to you despite my best efforts to show you my beauty, but I will still extend my love for you. There will be a day when you choose her over me and stay with her until you have had long enough to realize how much I mean to you, and during that time, I will still extend my love to you and I will accept you with open arms and no questions when you return. You will betray me with your words and your actions, but I will extend my love for you anyway. You will cause me to suffer greatly, but I will extend my love for you anyway."

I wanted to protest against her accusations, but something told me she was right. What kind of love was this? Who would choose to love this way? Who would choose a liar and a cheater with open arms? Who could possibly give all of herself in love to someone that barely noticed her then and will surely stray later? Who would understand the pain of betrayal and choose to bear it anyway? How could a lady so perfect choose to be with someone like me?

It defies all logic. It defies the way I learned that things work. It's not normal. No matter how many times I admit my fear that her promises aren't true, doubt she can really love someone like me, and am caught up by someone or something that promises to be better but never is, she reassures and comforts me. I can be completely open with her and she doesn't reject me for my past. She doesn't reject me for my thoughts I know I ought not to have. She doesn't reject me when I stumble and fall.

She is patient, gentle, and kind. She does not boast in the knowledge that she is greater than me nor seek someone else over me. She is humble; not arrogant or rude. She does not insist on getting her own way, but always gives me the choice. She does not resent the freedom she offers me and does not become irritated by my failures to love her the way she loves me. She always speaks truth and lights up when I learn it or apply it. She gladly bears the burden of my past without complaint or using it against me, she believes the best in me always, she has true hope that I will choose her over the temptations that others offer ,and endures with grace my seasons of trouble. Her love is in every way perfect, and though I may wonder how and when it will end, she is faithful in every way to continue to extend it with no hint of ceasing.


Epilogue:

For most of you, you already see the allegory to Christ's love for us here. Some of you may be thinking that I managed to find the perfect girl, or that you want to know if she has a brother. The fact is that I have found a perfect love. Perhaps more appropriately, I have been pursued by One who has a perfect love.

If you have an authentic relationship with Christ, this story should resonate within you. If you have been faking it, you're probably telling yourself something like, "I don't know where he gets all that from, I'm certainly not loved that way." If you have no desire to have a relationship with Christ or don't know even where to begin, I probably made Him sound like a creepy stalker.

If I could somehow open your eyes to see the world the way Christ has graciously allowed me to begin to, you'd see Him throughout the course of your day, everywhere you go. You'd hear Him whisper to you the encouragement you need to hear.

And when you finally say, "Yes, Lord, I want You in my life", it's a game changer like you've never before considered. Your struggles will become more real than you ever imagined, but His love will be extended in way you never thought possible. You will begin to recognize the arrogance and selfishness in yourself, and though you are ashamed, you will crave His presence and His unfailing love. You will learn that when you run to Him, you are always accepted with open arms, even when you trip along the way. You will experience the love that all of us "Jesus Freaks" can't shut up about.

Make no mistake though: you must choose Him. He will pursue you until death, but He will not force you to take Him. If this inspires questions, I've got answers. Ask. If I don't know the answer, there are some phenomenal people around me that do. We want you to experience the love and the life change that goes along with it. If you don't want to ask some strange guy that posts some almost entertaining and sometimes thought provoking writing online, look around for a church, group, or individual that is excited about Jesus, ask those questions, and hold on for the ride. It's going to be a party like you and I have never experienced, but none of us can do it on our own!