The Paralysis of the Paradox

Does anyone know how it feels to be ripped apart?
To know that what you want is not what you need?
And to know that what you need is not what you want?

To be torn between the here and now
And the promise of what is to come?

Do you know what it is like to sit paralyzed
Unwilling to choose what you know is wrong
But unable to take the leap towards what is right?

Do you know what it feels like to lay awake at night
Hearing your heart and mind clearly
But knowing they are untrustworthy?

Have you heard the whisper in your ear
Saying "Trust in Me, I know it hurts,
But this, too, shall pass"?

Have you entered a fight
That you know you can't win
But have the victory guaranteed?

Did you taste the goodness of faithfulness
And see the fulfillment of promises
Only to become dissatisfied again?

Did you pray to the Almighty
Telling yourself He is great
But believing He would do nothing?

Did you resign yourself to a life of disappointment
And believe you are too great a failure to be used?

Did you place God Himself in a box
Defined by your own expectations
And assume He would stay put?

Have you feared the rejection of men
And kept the story He is writing to yourself
When Christ died willingly to save you?

Have you been paralyzed
By the paradox that is created
When the battle rages for your soul?

Matthew 11:28 - "Come to Me all you labor and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

Fight on, my brother and sister, do not give up! You are not alone. Hold on for one more moment, one more hour, one more day. Put one foot forward and move. Pray one more time. Read one more promise. Believe that at the moment when you have nothing left, you will be rescued. I promise you, that as I answered "yes" to every question in investigating the distress of my own heart tonight and the Spirit comforted and calmed me, He will be faithful to you as well. He will wrap His loving arms around you and allow you to rest safely there, His steady heartbeat a constant reminder of His love for you.

It's All About You

In my former life, I was a triathlete. The training and competition became my obsession as I used it as a "healthy" escape from a toxic marriage. Following God's timely rescue of me, I had committed to no longer competing, partially due to the fact that I understood that it had become an addiction. Nevertheless, I still maintained a fit lifestyle and enjoyed the benefits of running and cycling. It helped to forge new relationships and I found encouragement through fellow believers that had been through similar circumstances. Then, the opportunity came for me to compete in Florida Ironman 70.3; a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike ride, and 13.1 mile run - the long distances I used to train for. 

For the first time in my life, I said that I would only compete if it wasn't about me. We prayed about it, talked about it, and decided to use the race as a way to raise funds and awareness for the church we were planting. We raised some great funds for our church, thanks to our generous donors, but God had more surprises for me than I realized. 

Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those that are called according to His purpose."

In training for this race, I was forced to spend hours each week alone on my bike or in my running shoes since my needs were focused on greater distances than the people I normally trained with. At least there were other people at the pool. Through the training, God reminded me of how important that fellowship is with other believers and the longing to be with them trumped any chance of going back to this kind of training regiment full time again. 

As He ordained it, my former boss, a man who is more courageous than anyone I know and who once called me his friend and brother, was also competing. He is also the man that I betrayed above all others when I let sin rule my life. Honestly, I feared seeing him. If he had punched me in the face, he would have been justified. As it is, when I finally saw him passing the opposite direction on the run course, he held out his hand to me on the way by. I could have stopped and cried right there in my spandex among 1800 other athletes by this simple act of acceptance. I finished ahead of him, and when I heard his name called over the loudspeaker, was able to meet him at the finish line and deliver the face to face apology that had been way too long in coming. 

It's incredible to think that when we make our lives about us, He humbles us to remind us of who He is. Yet, when we humble ourselves before Him, He reminds of how much we really are worth to Him. I look at the way He reminded me of the importance of fellowship and the relief that comes from humbly reaching out to someone I've wronged, and I can come to no other conclusion that when I chose to make this event all about Him, He chose to make sure that I knew He was still all about me. 

Lord, Make Me Lonely

Make me what??? As a single guy or gal asking God to make you lonely is about the last thing anyone would expect you to pray for. Why ask for what you've already got? After all you and I are already single! Doesn't that imply loneliness?

Eh, maybe...

Take a look at how the rest of the verse and chorus go from the song "Keep Making Me" by Sidewalk Prophets:

Make me lonely, so I can be Your's.
'Till I want no one, more than You Lord.
'Cause in the darkness, I know You will hold me.
Make me lonely.

'Till You are my one desire.
'Till You are my one true love.
'Till You are my breath, my everything.
Lord, please keep making me.

To me, here's a song (that's also a prayer), from someone that really gets it. In using my own struggle as an example, I look at the how much I desire to be in a relationship. The writer here turns that desire for something worldly around and looks at the heart issue - I feel lonely because God is not my complete desire; other things are competing for me. Maybe more appropriately, I'm allowing other things to compete for me. Rather than praying for God to bring me someone that will complete me, fill my needs, be me soul mate, or whatever else society tells us we're supposed to get from a relationship, the writer is encouraging us to have the discipline and courage to ask to be left in that state until the only One who can completely fill the void is in the proper place.

Mind. Blown.

While you're wrapping your mind around that, consider this little gem if you're single - you're ready for a relationship when you no longer feel like you need one. If you really need something, and you're not looking to God to meet it, you're looking in the wrong place.

Philippians 4:19 "My God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

So whether it's the loneliness of being single, or some other struggle, turn it around on yourself. What does it say about you and where your relationship with Christ is weak or lacking? Ask Him to fill the void personally instead of bringing something else from this world to do it. After all, you don't need something else from this broken world or a broken person, what you need is Christ to do what Christ does - love you and sustain you completely and perfectly. Put your hope in a broken world and broken people and you'll find disappointment. Place that hope and trust in an eternal God who's very nature is love... that's where you'll find unspeakable joy!

What's Your Type?

Yeah, I imagine the title on this one got your attention, especially if you're single. Let's face it, for those of use that are, it's one of our favorite questions to be asked. For a few minutes, we get to fantasize about that guy or girl of our dreams with no pressure of actually having to talk to him or her. A good friend of mine asked me this not long ago, and I'd love to tell you that I came up with some super-Christian answer that would make even Billy Graham proud... but I didn't. It was more along the lines of "Oh, you know, a Spanish girl named Margarita that knows how to make a good one, wants to listen to my mile splits, and massage my feet after a long run." Yeah, probably not my finest moment.

We've all got that type of person (or maybe specific person!) that puts that silly grin on our face at any given moment without notice. We've all most likely experienced having that person in our lives, but the feelings weren't reciprocal. Some of us may be aware of when someone had a crush on us, but we didn't feel the same way. Now, I'm not going to sit here and tell you who you should or shouldn't date, nor what you should look for in a partner.

What I am going to remind you of is what it says in Romans 5:6-8 "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Honestly, most of us that are single struggle with it - we're afraid we're not attractive enough, not smart enough, not fit enough, not... fill in the blank. Jesus was God, and He died for you and me. Not because we were awesome, but because we weren't. In fact, perfect is the only way we can have hope of eternity with Him, but every one of us screwed that up. Think about it, the thought of not spending eternity with you was so irksome to Him that He actually died for you. He didn't talk about dying for you or whisper sweet words in your ear about how He'd do anything for you, He just went and did it!

No matter what you think your faults are, He sees you as His perfect bride, and He is SO in love with you. That love never fades, either. It is as passionate for you now as it was the day you were conceived.

So yes, you are single in this season, but you aren't alone, and you're certainly loved beyond your wildest imagination.

By the way, I recovered from my not-so-hot response since I realized she wanted to know if I might click with a friend of her's (to which I was extremely flattered that she thought that highly of me) and told her I have only one real requirement - she must love Jesus. Here's the way I see it: if two broken people are going to try and make it together, the only real chance they have is that they both look to Christ in both joy and disappointment.

Calling for a Revolution

There is a group of Christians that are different from most. They don't fit the mold. And to be honest, they make a lot of religious people nervous. Let me tell you a little bit about who we are...

We have experienced sin. We know what it feels like to be completely consumed as its disease like quality takes over. We know what it means to be blinded by it to the point that we cannot see the truth in front of us for the lies that we loved. We have chased the addiction of pleasure or escape and seen how the next step up promises to satisfy, but always leaves us empty. We know the physical toll that spiritual warfare has on us as the disease of our sin fights against the oncoming cleansing of the Spirit. We have felt the grip of sin loosen and finally break, leaving us with tear-streaked faces, sweating, and exhausted.

We know pursuit and understand humility. Our Savior followed us to depths we did not know we could fall to. We recognize that in our sin, every single one of us is capable of unspeakable evil. In the arrogance of our sin, He was patient and waited until we could no longer be our own savior before stepping in. In our shame, He showed us grace, mercy, gentleness, and kindness. He loved us when we fell and were rejected by the religious among us. He reminds us of our value when the religious accept us, but only in a "separate, but equal" mentality. He rejoiced over us when the Spirit filled us while others rejected us for our past and scoffed skeptically at our transformation.

We don't look like "Christians". We're divorced, we've committed crimes, we're tattooed, we've used drugs, and been addicted to alcohol. We're single moms and single dads, we're in our 20's figuring out life, and 30 somethings trying to rebuild. We're professionals that struggle with maintaining integrity in a world that rewards deceit. We can praise God traditionally, but prefer a six string with a country twang or laying down the lyrics of a rap. We wear shorts and t-shirts to church, raise our hands, and clap during worship.

There is no doubt about it, though, we belong to Christ. We've experienced the power of prayer, seen the love of Christ extended to us by those who truly believe, and been compelled to use our experience for the good of the Kingdom. We pray in our disappointment knowing will be comforted and praise God in our joy knowing it is He that brought it into our lives. We've looked back and seen God's hand in our lives, recognizing that no single event in our life was a mere coincidence.

We know that good enough is no longer good enough. We no longer need to believe society's lies, nor pretend that we must fall in line with their expectations. We are no longer willing to tolerate their belief that we should remain on the sidelines and not attempt to influence anyone else. We are no longer content with the mediocrity that they expect the church to be, simply tolerating its existence. While there is shame and guilt in our past, we are redeemed by a God who sees us as righteous through Christ, and we are not ashamed to claim the cross of He who saw us as worth dying for.

We will openly pray, we will fill your Facebook timeline with truth from His word and proof from our lives, we will love those that others reject, and we will remind you of His promises and love when you ask our advice. We will still stumble, we will still fall, we will still give in to selfish ambition, but we will strive to live lives worthy of the calling. When you look at us, we want you to see Christ and when you talk to us, we want you to hear the word of God.

We are not perfect, only saved, redeemed, and set apart. We are the modern day Paul and the modern day David... we are the Dissidents.

Born Again? Yeah, Right!

I spent the first 34 years of my life learning how to say the right things and do the right things when I was supposed to say and do them. I learned from an early age that sin is bad. Unfortunately, in my experience with the church, you talked about sin in general, but you didn't really deal with it. People that were caught up in sin were isolated, unofficially cast out of the body. Even better for the church, often these people would cast themselves out, which made it much easier to wash their hands of it. It created a culture of fear and skepticism. Fear that your sin would be found out (so you hid it deep down) and skepticism that no one around you (since they were all perfect) was really "born again".

2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here!"

First, off, notice the exclamation point at the end of the verse - this is exciting! It is worth celebrating! Unfortunately, in our uber-skeptical society, it has become commonplace for people to accept that real change can't actually take place. Terms like "Playing the God card" and "Jailhouse Jesus" get tossed around frequently. For the person that has truly undergone a change, this is heartbreaking. They want to live their lives in light of this amazing new perspective, yet they are met only with that skepticism. Soon, they begin to slip into isolationism as it becomes harder and harder to risk the rejection.

What has to happen for a person to truly become a new creation though? When Christ left, He promised that the Spirit would remain. First God came down and lived among us, but now He can live in us. You become a new creation when God has literally entered your spiritual system. If that's the case, how could you not be different than before? Remember, the Spirit is having to remove you from the throne, and that's a battle. For some of us that are strong willed, we have to be humbled in a mighty way before we are willing to let that happen. Yet we are quick to judge people by their past instead of by the evidence we see in front of us. When we see them fall, we assume they're going back to their old ways rather than offering them our hand and helping them up.

Please, (if I could get down on my knees and beg you, I would. I am now, in fact, typing from my knees.) when someone tells you that they have been born again, rejoice with them! Stop taking the road of skepticism, and for once, assume the best. Not because we are somehow now sinless, but because we know the work is being done by God, and He is perfect. I can tell you firsthand the roller coaster of emotions that you go through as you are rejected by people, many of whom mean a great deal to you, yet trying to be convinced that you have truly been set apart by God.

So if you truly believe, please, spend some time getting to know the new us, it will encourage you in your walk. If you don't truly believe (and I was there for a long time, so don't think you're alone), spend some time to get to know the new us, let our stories be evidence for you to consider. Either way, we have a story to tell that is an amazing testament to the love and pursuit of Christ. Let us share our hearts with you, but be gentle. Just like our salvation came at great cost to our Savior, our new perspective often came at great cost to us personally, and it is no small feat to attempt to overcome the fear of rejection time and time again.

The Danger of Neutraility

I'm an introvert. I haven't always been that way, but that's what I am. For many people like me, conflict and confrontation is one of the most stressful things to experience. It's much easier to be neutral and play the role of peacemaker without taking sides rather than to risk confrontation. It's less stressful to tolerate a little bit of everything from everyone rather than exclude someone and be called out by them. But there's danger in neutrality - grave danger.

In the book of Joshua, as he is nearing death, Joshua is preparing his final words to the Israelites. He reminds them of what God has done. He warns them against worshiping the gods of those that they have come in contact with and defeated. He warns them against marrying into the families of those they have conquered. Then he leaves them with a decision to make - "But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve… But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." (24:15-16)

Why is it so dangerous to be neutral though? Why is it such a bad thing to maintain peace through tolerance?

First and foremost, we will be judged by a perfectly holy God. There is no neutrality in that judgment; we either chose Him and accept His redemption or we are judged as guilty by our passiveness. There is no room to straddle the fence.

Peace through tolerance is like inviting a thief into your home and being surprised that you are missing some items when he leaves. Yes, we are called to extend love and grace to everyone, but that does not mean we intentionally put ourselves around sinful situations and hope that it works out. Most likely, you begin to slowly pick up the habits of that sinful behavior until you wake up one day and it has completely overtaken you. It's how sin works - gently and gradually.

In Matthew 6:24 we are reminded that "No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other." Let's be clear on this point: a decision to choose neither is not being neutral, it is choosing to remain the authority in and of yourself. So Joshua's call to decisiveness is actually two-fold: First to chose who you will serve, but at the same time, chose who you will deny. That choice includes either choosing or denying yourself as the ultimate authority in your life.